This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
