I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
