were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
