it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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