Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
