I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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