Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
