Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
