She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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