i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize