I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
