the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did we literally take a cab across the street
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize