Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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