dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
