Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
