Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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