God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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