Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the condom got lost in my hair
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
