I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize