your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
