this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
