I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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