It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
