If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
