she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
