im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
