I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
