You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
