"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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