he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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