I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
