Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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