Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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