You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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