when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
