i was rollin on her like bob the builder
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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