PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
