we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
