pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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