I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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