explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
