I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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