chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
