The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize