Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize