Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
