In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
