Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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