I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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