recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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