I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
