I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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