Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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