I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
