can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
