umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
