Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
