Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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