I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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