i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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