They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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