my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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