Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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