you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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