come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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