There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
