I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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