You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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