im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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