Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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