Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
