Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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