I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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