Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
