My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
