I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
