dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
